Text: Matthew 18:15-20
Jesus is dealing with the most difficult issue in the life of the church – conflict among members. And at this point in New Testament history, there ISN’T a church – just a group of disciples along with crowds of people who are interested in hearing what Jesus has to say. But wherever there are people, there is conflict. And we know from stories in the New Testament that there is certainly conflict in the early church, even before it is fully formed. So we shouldn’t be surprised when there is conflict among us.
The most useless approach for people in the Christian church is to say “We are Christians; we shouldn’t be in conflict with one another.” Yes, we’re Christians, but we’re also human. A more realistic approach is to say, “We are human; it’s inevitable that we will sometimes be in conflict with one another.” The most useful approach is to find effective ways of dealing with conflict. And in the Gospel reading today, Jesus points out some effective ways.
The first one is to determine the source of the conflict. Jesus says, “if another member…sins against you…” Be sure that this is the case – that it’s not simply that you dislike the other person, or that you’re guilty of something yourself that you are trying to avoid facing. And this isn’t easy. The easiest thing is to blame someone, even if that person is not actually guilty of wrongdoing. Secondly, when you are sure that the problem began with that person, speak to that person alone. If the matter can be resolved between the two of you, no one else needs to know about it or be involved. But if not, the third approach is to take one or two other people with you for witnesses. For witnesses to hear the evidence, and wise persons to weigh the evidence, not as goons to overpower the guilty party. Be sure that you’re not simply ganging up on the person. It requires careful thought – something that we have a hard time doing when we are angry or hurt. If the person still is not willing to listen and change behaviour, the congregation should be informed. If the person won’t listen to the congregation, then that person should be asked to leave the congregation.
It sounds drastic, doesn’t it? How often do we carry out these instructions? Not very often. We tell ourselves, “We’re Christians; we shouldn’t be in conflict with one another.” And I want to add that in my experience, it’s never that crystal-clear who is guilty. In fact, I would say that usually it’s not just one person who is guilty. Both sides, or perhaps we should say, all sides – because there are often more than two – may be guilty of various behaviours that cause conflict. All the more reason for serious thinking and careful action. All the more reason for humility in dealing with broken relationships.
A year ago I was asked by the bishop to be on an investigating committee for the Synod. This is part of the procedure we use to deal with conflict in congregations. There were four of us on the committee – two clergy, two lay people. The problem was in a congregation where a lay person who was very unhappy was causing trouble for the pastor and for the church council. People were fed up with this member whom they saw as creating difficulty for the whole congregation. They finally took action to “excommunicate” the unhappy member. That person appealed to the bishop with a complaint about being treated unjustly. The bishop doesn’t take sides; when a formal complaint is made, the bishop is obligated to see that it is investigated. So the committee was formed and we had to read all the minutes and interview the people involved. Our initial response was to condemn the person – as clergy we have all dealt with difficult members, and the lay people on the committee have been leaders in their congregations. The easiest thing would have been to conclude that yes, this person is a menace and we should affirm the decision of excommunication.
But…there was a person on the committee who has a lot of experience in human resource work in large organizations. This person is also a very clear thinker. She began asking pointed questions, and we had to look more carefully at the evidence. We became convinced that the member in question, who was undoubtedly a difficult person, had not been justly treated. The frustration and anger of members of the congregation and council had led them to do things which were not justified. They had treated the person badly. And in being treated badly, the person had reacted badly and had also behaved badly. The goal in dealing with conflict is not to kick out the people who give us grief; the goal is to restore relationships and bring people back into the community. Jesus gives us responsibility for the atmosphere of our Christian communities: when we force people onto the defensive and back them into a corner, we are not dealing constructively with conflict. He tells us that we will be held responsible in eternity for the people we alienate and treat badly; likewise, we will be rewarded in eternity for the people we work to restore. Those are sobering thoughts, are they not?
All this seems just about humanly impossible. How can we overcome our tendency to line up support for our point of view and attack the people who don’t like us or whom we don’t like? How can we think clearly enough when we’re angry and hurt to be sure we don’t behave unjustly toward those who oppose us? Well, I’d say it is humanly impossible. Perhaps that’s why Jesus makes the promises contained in the Gospel reading: “if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” And the other promise is “where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” What can we do about difficult conflicts? We can gather in prayer and ask for what we believe is God’s will in situations of conflict…not that our so-called enemies will be squashed like bugs, but that those with whom we are in conflict may be restored to the Christian community. That’s a prayer God willingly answers. Because when we gather in Jesus’ name to ask for God’s intervention in trouble, Jesus promises to be present with us. In that case, he is able and willing to bring the forces of heaven to bear on the situation. And it will be resolved.
Here’s a story from a woman in Erie, Pennsylvania who is active in the world-wide Catholic peace movement. The movement is called “Pax Christi” – the peace of Christ.
Pax Christi…was born in a prison – and not just any prison, but a prison filled with men whose destination was the concentration camp at Buchenwald.
It was World War II, and France was occupied by Germany. Herded together in a French state prison were French resistance fighters and others, including priests and religious, who had harbored hunted Jews. One of the resistance fighters asked a fellow prison, Bishop Theas, to celebrate Mass.
Bishop Theas was in prison for nonviolent resistance. He had condemned, through a pastoral letter, the persecution of the Jews, the deportation of French workers to Germany for forced labour, and the reprisal destruction of whole villages.
The prison was seething with hatred and anger. Only five weeks before an entire nearby village had been massacred. There, in retaliation for the killing of German occupation troops, the French inhabitants were herded into the village church and the church set on fire.
Bishop Theas agreed to celebrate the prison Mass. He chose for his homily this theme: Love your enemy. He read to these brave, honorable, courageous French freedom fighters what they least expected: “Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, and pray for those that persecute you.”
Some of the prisoners interrupted the bishop. “The gospel is terrible,” they said. “This gospel is impossible to live.” Theas replied, “I cannot preach anything to you but what Jesus said, ‘Love your enemies.’”
Then he led the prisoners in the prayer that Jesus taught. When he came to the line, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” he paused and added one word – “Germany”.
There was a moment of silence and then an explosion of grief and anger. “No, no,” the prisoners shouted. Someone screamed, “But they’ve killed our children.” We can only imagine the terrible pain and anguish. But Bishop Theas gently insisted that this was necessary. He repeated the word – “Germany”. Many could not finish the prayer. Some did. All understood, perhaps for the first time, the terrible implications of the words that Jesus taught us to pray.
Theas was finally released from prison, but the incident altered his life. Because of it he determined to devote the rest of his days to reconciliation efforts between France and Germany. When French lay Catholics organized a prayer crusade in behalf of the German people, Theas blessed the effort. This prayer crusade was the beginning of Pax Christi.[1]
[1] Mary Lou Kownacki, A Monk in the Inner City: The ABCs of a Spiritual Journey, Orbis Books, Maryknoll, NY: 2008, pp. 108-109
Jesus is dealing with the most difficult issue in the life of the church – conflict among members. And at this point in New Testament history, there ISN’T a church – just a group of disciples along with crowds of people who are interested in hearing what Jesus has to say. But wherever there are people, there is conflict. And we know from stories in the New Testament that there is certainly conflict in the early church, even before it is fully formed. So we shouldn’t be surprised when there is conflict among us.
The most useless approach for people in the Christian church is to say “We are Christians; we shouldn’t be in conflict with one another.” Yes, we’re Christians, but we’re also human. A more realistic approach is to say, “We are human; it’s inevitable that we will sometimes be in conflict with one another.” The most useful approach is to find effective ways of dealing with conflict. And in the Gospel reading today, Jesus points out some effective ways.
The first one is to determine the source of the conflict. Jesus says, “if another member…sins against you…” Be sure that this is the case – that it’s not simply that you dislike the other person, or that you’re guilty of something yourself that you are trying to avoid facing. And this isn’t easy. The easiest thing is to blame someone, even if that person is not actually guilty of wrongdoing. Secondly, when you are sure that the problem began with that person, speak to that person alone. If the matter can be resolved between the two of you, no one else needs to know about it or be involved. But if not, the third approach is to take one or two other people with you for witnesses. For witnesses to hear the evidence, and wise persons to weigh the evidence, not as goons to overpower the guilty party. Be sure that you’re not simply ganging up on the person. It requires careful thought – something that we have a hard time doing when we are angry or hurt. If the person still is not willing to listen and change behaviour, the congregation should be informed. If the person won’t listen to the congregation, then that person should be asked to leave the congregation.
It sounds drastic, doesn’t it? How often do we carry out these instructions? Not very often. We tell ourselves, “We’re Christians; we shouldn’t be in conflict with one another.” And I want to add that in my experience, it’s never that crystal-clear who is guilty. In fact, I would say that usually it’s not just one person who is guilty. Both sides, or perhaps we should say, all sides – because there are often more than two – may be guilty of various behaviours that cause conflict. All the more reason for serious thinking and careful action. All the more reason for humility in dealing with broken relationships.
A year ago I was asked by the bishop to be on an investigating committee for the Synod. This is part of the procedure we use to deal with conflict in congregations. There were four of us on the committee – two clergy, two lay people. The problem was in a congregation where a lay person who was very unhappy was causing trouble for the pastor and for the church council. People were fed up with this member whom they saw as creating difficulty for the whole congregation. They finally took action to “excommunicate” the unhappy member. That person appealed to the bishop with a complaint about being treated unjustly. The bishop doesn’t take sides; when a formal complaint is made, the bishop is obligated to see that it is investigated. So the committee was formed and we had to read all the minutes and interview the people involved. Our initial response was to condemn the person – as clergy we have all dealt with difficult members, and the lay people on the committee have been leaders in their congregations. The easiest thing would have been to conclude that yes, this person is a menace and we should affirm the decision of excommunication.
But…there was a person on the committee who has a lot of experience in human resource work in large organizations. This person is also a very clear thinker. She began asking pointed questions, and we had to look more carefully at the evidence. We became convinced that the member in question, who was undoubtedly a difficult person, had not been justly treated. The frustration and anger of members of the congregation and council had led them to do things which were not justified. They had treated the person badly. And in being treated badly, the person had reacted badly and had also behaved badly. The goal in dealing with conflict is not to kick out the people who give us grief; the goal is to restore relationships and bring people back into the community. Jesus gives us responsibility for the atmosphere of our Christian communities: when we force people onto the defensive and back them into a corner, we are not dealing constructively with conflict. He tells us that we will be held responsible in eternity for the people we alienate and treat badly; likewise, we will be rewarded in eternity for the people we work to restore. Those are sobering thoughts, are they not?
All this seems just about humanly impossible. How can we overcome our tendency to line up support for our point of view and attack the people who don’t like us or whom we don’t like? How can we think clearly enough when we’re angry and hurt to be sure we don’t behave unjustly toward those who oppose us? Well, I’d say it is humanly impossible. Perhaps that’s why Jesus makes the promises contained in the Gospel reading: “if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” And the other promise is “where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” What can we do about difficult conflicts? We can gather in prayer and ask for what we believe is God’s will in situations of conflict…not that our so-called enemies will be squashed like bugs, but that those with whom we are in conflict may be restored to the Christian community. That’s a prayer God willingly answers. Because when we gather in Jesus’ name to ask for God’s intervention in trouble, Jesus promises to be present with us. In that case, he is able and willing to bring the forces of heaven to bear on the situation. And it will be resolved.
Here’s a story from a woman in Erie, Pennsylvania who is active in the world-wide Catholic peace movement. The movement is called “Pax Christi” – the peace of Christ.
Pax Christi…was born in a prison – and not just any prison, but a prison filled with men whose destination was the concentration camp at Buchenwald.
It was World War II, and France was occupied by Germany. Herded together in a French state prison were French resistance fighters and others, including priests and religious, who had harbored hunted Jews. One of the resistance fighters asked a fellow prison, Bishop Theas, to celebrate Mass.
Bishop Theas was in prison for nonviolent resistance. He had condemned, through a pastoral letter, the persecution of the Jews, the deportation of French workers to Germany for forced labour, and the reprisal destruction of whole villages.
The prison was seething with hatred and anger. Only five weeks before an entire nearby village had been massacred. There, in retaliation for the killing of German occupation troops, the French inhabitants were herded into the village church and the church set on fire.
Bishop Theas agreed to celebrate the prison Mass. He chose for his homily this theme: Love your enemy. He read to these brave, honorable, courageous French freedom fighters what they least expected: “Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, and pray for those that persecute you.”
Some of the prisoners interrupted the bishop. “The gospel is terrible,” they said. “This gospel is impossible to live.” Theas replied, “I cannot preach anything to you but what Jesus said, ‘Love your enemies.’”
Then he led the prisoners in the prayer that Jesus taught. When he came to the line, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” he paused and added one word – “Germany”.
There was a moment of silence and then an explosion of grief and anger. “No, no,” the prisoners shouted. Someone screamed, “But they’ve killed our children.” We can only imagine the terrible pain and anguish. But Bishop Theas gently insisted that this was necessary. He repeated the word – “Germany”. Many could not finish the prayer. Some did. All understood, perhaps for the first time, the terrible implications of the words that Jesus taught us to pray.
Theas was finally released from prison, but the incident altered his life. Because of it he determined to devote the rest of his days to reconciliation efforts between France and Germany. When French lay Catholics organized a prayer crusade in behalf of the German people, Theas blessed the effort. This prayer crusade was the beginning of Pax Christi.[1]
[1] Mary Lou Kownacki, A Monk in the Inner City: The ABCs of a Spiritual Journey, Orbis Books, Maryknoll, NY: 2008, pp. 108-109
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